Life Lessons
by AwesomePotterlover
Summary: Okay, so he liked Connie more than this new girl, but so what? Connie didn't really like him anyway...Or at least, that's what Alex said. Alex said a lot of things. She said that the Crystal Gems were totally the best ever, which is true, so...everything else she says is true too, right? Cover artwork credit to SaintNevermore on Da! IF YOU ARE TOO YOUNG PLEASE DON'T READ! RLY SAD!
1. Too Young

**AN: I'm sorry, this is like, really upsetting, but I can't help thinking how easily manipulated Steven would be...And if he ever got with the wrong person...Well. You'll see. He's 14 in this, so it's after the events of the show, wherever they lead. Have fun! (Bad ideas: Getting into something new and writing fanfiction for it. Things that I do: Just that. If any of you came here because you thought I updated one of my more popular stories, then both I Remember You and Get A Grip, Sowachowski have in-progress and very near finished chapters. So don't get your panties in a twist.)  
****OKAY, WARNINGS FOR: SWEARING, ABUSE (EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL, BUT HEY, MY MIND RUNS WILD, SORRY, THIS COULD GO ANYWHERE), MANIPULATION, AND PROBABLY SOME FORM OF SELF-LOATHING IN FURTHER CHAPTERS...WHICH COULD LEAD TO ANYTHING. IF IT DOES, I'LL PUT WARNINGS IN THE FRONT OF THE CHAPTERS.**

**~AP**

* * *

_"Hi! You're Steven, right?" The black-haired boy looked up and grinned. He liked making new friends. "That's me!"_

_"My name is Alex! I just moved here! I hope we can be friends...!" Steven giggled and his smile grew wider.  
"I hope we can too! Alex is a really nice name! But, how do you know, uh, who I am?"_  
_"Oh, Connie talks about you at school all the time!" The boy gasped lightly and felt a blush rising in his cheeks.  
"S-she d-does?"_  
_"Totally! Haha, Steven Universe with the funny family who lives in the hut by the beach who, quoting Connie, "my parents disapprove of for some reason even though he tries his best"." Steven just rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.  
"I-I, uh..."_

_Pearl was watching from the temple through the window, and Amethyst nudged her leg not all-too-gently. "Spyin' on Steven again, P?"_  
_"I don't like the girl he's talking to." Amethyst sighed and raised an eyebrow, grabbing some snacks from the fridge.  
"You haven't met her, have you?"_  
_"No...But something's off about her, I'm telling you. She's not...She's not going to be good for him."_  
_"You don't think anything's good for him if he could get a bruise out of it." Amethyst gently yawned and then plodded back to her room. Pearl sighed and glanced down again. She guessed Amethyst was kind of right. I mean, what harm could a 14-year-old girl do? Not much. She decided...yes, she should give this girl a chance._

_It was a bad idea._

* * *

"STEVEN! WHERE THE_ HELL_ ARE YOU?!" Steven slung on his cheeseburger backpack and sighed a little. He'd said that Alex had to be careful; If the Crystal Gems heard her calling for him in that manner, they'd throw a hissy fit and kick her out. But she still did it whenever she wanted. Luckily, the Gems had gone on a mission 'too dangerous' for Steven, so they weren't home.

He sprinted until he was face-to-face with Alex, who was tapping her foot impatiently. "Hi, shortcake!" Steven didn't know much about dating, but he knew one thing; the girl would pretty much squeal at cute nicknames. Her serious expression turned into a grin and a blush. "Oh, Steven, you little dork." She leaned and gave him a kiss on the nose. It was his turn to blush, now. "T-that's me!"

Suddenly she looked at his backpack, and then wrinkled her nose. "You're going to take THAT? Isn't that a bit...childish?" Steven's grin faded slightly.  
"I-I _always_ take cheeseburger backpack with me places..."  
"Not with me, you won't. You wouldn't want to embarrass me in front of _everybody_...would you?" Steven looked at the floor and quickly shook his head.  
"O-of course not!" He slung off the backpack, leaving it at the door. "Let's go, then!" She smiled and linked her arm through his.  
"Yeah, let's go."

Just as they reached the base of the hill that the temple sat on, the warp pad sounded. The Gems were home, but Steven had already told them he was out with Alex today...Though he kinda wished he could just go back and-  
He hesitated, looking back uncertainly. Alex stared at him, a look of complete hurt on her face. "Y-you'd leave me for _them_...?"  
"No! No! Of course not! Let's go!" Steven reassured, and they kept walking, but he couldn't stop himself glancing longingly back at the temple...Why? He should be happy to spend time with his girlfriend...right?

* * *

**MEANWHILE, IN THE TEMPLE**

"Steven!"  
"He's out, Pearl. Again." Amethyst yawned. "If you were listening to the dork's excited blabbering this morning you might know that him and Alex have a date today." Garnet walked off the warp pad, past the two, who had started quarreling. Again. "You two?"  
They looked to where she was kneeled, next to the door. "What?" Their voices were completely in unison in the words, and the annoyance.  
"...He left his backpack." At first, Garnet had agreed with Amethyst; Pearl was overprotective and Steven was old enough to date now, just as long as there was nothing sexual involved, it was fine. "So?"  
"Amethyst, when has Steven ever gone out for more than a couple of hours without his cheeseburger backpack?" Pearl gasped.  
"I knew that girl was no good-!"  
"Don't jump to conclusions." Garnet said, standing back up. "I'm sure he just forgot it and would be really grateful if one of us came to give it to him. Specifically me." She opened the door and Amethyst yelled after her.  
"What are you gonna do, even?"  
"Just a quick test."

And she was off.

* * *

**IN TOWN**

Steven had just told some hilarious joke and Alex was laughing her head off, when suddenly he heard Garnet. _They shouldn't be back yet anyway..._ "Steven!"  
"Huh?" He stopped and turned, and so did Alex, to see Garnet running towards him with his...cheeseburger backpack. Of course. "You forgot this!" She smiled lightly and held her hand out. Alex looked at him. "I-I...I actually...Didn't bring it?" Oh, boy. Garnet already knew as soon as he started stuttering. But she kept up the act. "Well, why not?"  
"It was just...too much to carry around, so..."  
"Well, you usually carry it around everywhere...Sorry for misassuming, but do you want to take it anyway? It's not much point to take it back now..." Steven shook his head.  
"No, I'm sorry, I don't want it...Right now. It's too childish. I'm not a baby anymore." He tried to sound confident, but he heard his voice waver. Garnet shrugged. "Fine. I'll see you at home later, Steven."

She walked away and Steven turned to Alex. She looked fuming. "U-uh..." She grabbed his arm and dragged him into an alleyway near the Big Donut, and then..._SLAP_! "You _idiot_! You utter piece of fucking_ shit_! WHY DID YOU LEAVE IT IN FUCKING_ VIEW_?! NOW THEY'RE GOING TO STOP US SEEING EACH OTHER! IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING_ WANT_, STEVEN?!" And another.  
"N-no! Alex, I didn't- I didn't mean to, and they won't, they won't, I'll talk to them, I promise!"  
"THAT DOESN'T-" Slap. "FUCKING-" Slap. "MATTER-" And to the ground. "NOW!" And a kick to the side.  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He was cowering and he knew it, as well as nearly crying...He felt tears begin to spill and then heard a cold, harsh laugh. "Don't act like such a baby, Steven." The voice turned soft and she kneeled down, pulling him into a cuddle. "Aww, don't cry, baby, I'm sorry, you know I don't mean it...I just got a little angry and lost myself, I didn't mean to hit you, I'm sorry...B-But_ please_, don't tell the Crystal Gems, I don't want to lose you...This is _NEVER_ going to happen again, I promise, okay, Ste? I promise." He wiped his eyes and smiled a little, nodding.  
"Y-yeah, I-I won't tell them...I trust you."

* * *

Sadie was standing at the end of the alleyway, and backed into the wall. She could take the trash out later; Steven's safety was more important, and boy if she didn't recognize this. She ran into the Big Donut, where Lars was lazing around on his phone. "Lars!"  
"What?"  
"STEVEN!"  
"What about the freak?" The panic of her voice didn't seem to bother him in anyway.  
"...This girl...Just...beat him up!" Lars made a joke under his breath and then looked up, but his grin faded.  
"Wait, you aren't..._kidding_?"  
"_NO_! His girlfriend, that Alex girl...she just..."  
"...You should tell his Dad or something, Sadie." The girl turned and took her jacket.  
"Yeah, I should. Cover me!"  
"Wait, WHAT?! I didn't mean _now_-!" But she was already gone.

* * *

When Steven returned that night, he was surprised by many things. One: His Dad was there. Two: So were all the Crystal Gems. Three: And Sadie in the background. "Uh, hi?"  
"Steven! WHAT-?!" Garnet placed her hand on Pearl's shoulder, who sighed and took a deep breath. "We need to talk. Amethyst?" The Gem threw Steven an ice pack.  
"Works well for bruises, kiddo." He sighed and sat down on the couch, putting the icepack to his side. It felt good against the pain of the bruising, but he was more concerned about why literally everybody was here. "What's up, guys?"  
"Sadie just told your father and us something very interesting." Oh no. They were near the Big Donut...This is what Alex said would happen... "D-did she?"  
"Yeah, she did. And I'm not very impressed with this new girlfriend of yours." It was his father speaking now.  
"I KNOW how to take care of myself, Dad, calm down."  
"IF YOU DID THEN YOU WOULDN'T COME HOME FRIGGIN' BRUISED LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE, WOULD YOU?! I SWEAR TO-"  
"Greg. Calm down. Now is not the time to get angry." Greg turned away and stared at the wall, and then said in a near-tearful voice. "I'm gonna go for a walk. I need some air." He then walked out quite quickly, and Garnet just sighed. She seemed to be the only one actually managing to keep her cool. Amethyst just looked sad and Pearl looked like she was about to commit mass genocide, and Sadie looked like she wanted to hug Steven, but wasn't sure if she should. "Who did this, Steven?" Garnet said. As much as she trusted Sadie (The girl was nice.), she didn't want to believe it unless she heard it from Steven. "I-I just fell! I just fell! Alex got worried and said I should just go home to get help, so I did! Okay?!"  
"Steven. Hand marks don't happen if you fall. Neither do shoe imprints, on your side, so...Please tell me the truth. Was it...Alex?"  
"...No! Of course it wasn't! Who do you think she is?!"  
"Steven-!"  
"NO! I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! STOP TELLING ME WHO I SHOULD BE WITH, AND WHO I SHOULDN'T, BECAUSE I _KNOW _THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO, AND I'M DONE WITH YOU CONTROLLING ME! I'M A TEENAGER NOW, NOT A BABY!" With that, Steven ran to his room, slamming the door behind him. Garnet sighed.

"Pearl?"  
"...Are you going to say I was right? Because that would be SO satisfying!"  
"...You were right." Pearl mimicked a 'YES!' and fist pumped the air.  
"I TOLD YOU! THAT GIRL IS NO GOOD, AND IF IT IS REALLY HER WHO HURT STEVEN, I SWEAR, I'LL-"  
"Pearl. As much as I agree that Alex is a bad influence, harming her in anyway or even banning them from being together would do more harm than good. We need to think rationally. About what's best. Maybe giving this girl another chance for now, but making sure that she's treading on thin ice; If she messes up or hurts Steven again in away, she'll never be allowed near him again, okay, Pearl? Never. She'd have to go through me." Pearl grumbled and nodded, with a quiet but grumpy 'fine', and then walked into her room. Greg came back in. "...He had a tantrum, didn't he?"  
"Yep." Amethyst replied, chomping down on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Greg just sighed. "I have to get back to work for now...But if something happens, you'll keep me updated, right?" Garnet nodded, and let a tiny smile fall on to her face. The man wasn't the best of fathers, but he got worried easily, and as a parent, that was a good thing. She imagined it was less so as a friend, but she wouldn't know. Greg sighed again, and then walked out, with a quiet yell of 'I love you, kiddo!', that gained no reply from Steven.

Eventually, after a couple of hours, Amethyst went up with a plate of food, but paused outside the door. She heard...talking. "Y-yeah...Of course I can see you tomorrow...Sure! Uh, but I might have to sneak out...I don't think my Dad and the Gems want- N-no! Of course I didn't tell them! Sadie did! I know...Y-yeah..." For the first time, Amethyst genuinely sighed in pure exasperation. _Oh, Steven...This isn't a game you need to play at your age..._

* * *

**AN: AND THAT'S THE END! Pretty intense for a first chapter, right? Well. I'm sorry if anything in this is out of character, and sorry (not sorry) that this is upsetting. I don't even know what brought this on...HAVE FUN WITH YOUR EMOTIONS! AND REVIEW IF YOU LIKED!**  
**~AP**


	2. Together

**AN: Thank you for those who reviewed, faved and followed! I appreciate it! As an answer to alxlovesteven, well, Alex was actually the middle name of one of my ex girlfriends, who was...really mean, haha. What a concidence! Thank you, I intended it to be...well, intense. **  
**And heehee no SPOILERS! You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?**  
**As an answer to the Guest, I was going for a more personality-disorder approach. Bipolar doesn't work like that, I think! From the experience of having a bipolar mother. But I'm glad ya noticed something wasn't right with Alex. Alright, I know it's not that much attention, but next chapter ahoy! Enjoy!**  
**~AP**

* * *

Steven had heard the "thin ice" promise, and told Alex when he saw her the next day. "I-I..." She flopped down on the beach and put her head in her hands. "S-Steven...I lose...I lose control easily...You can't let them know if an accident happens, okay? Please! I can't lose you..." Steven sat down and put an arm around her, pasting on a reassuring smile.  
"Don't worry, Alex! I won't...I promise. I mean, you don't MEAN it, so..."  
"Of course I don't! I love you, Steven! You know that!" The boy blushed a little and pulled her closer.  
"Yeah, I do! I love you, too, Alex! You know I wouldn't get us split up!" She nodded and let a small smile fall onto her face.

Over the next 6 months, many "accidents" would happen. And nobody would notice. Not until it was too late.

But that wasn't quite here yet.

Month four, June. Steven got beaten for any mistake by his girlfriend, and he accepted them as mistakes. Maybe he was too stubborn to say the Gems and his Dad were right, or maybe he truly believed Alex when she said, each and every time, that it was an accident, and that it'd never happen again.

Garnet specifically had noticed something, despite everybody else being seemingly oblivious; They had been taking Steven on more missions, but his actions were slower. He was delayed, seemingly constantly fatigued, and surprisingly, no longer as phased in the most violent or life-threatening of situations. Though the Gem supposed the final was a good thing, right now it didn't show it when paired with the other things she'd noticed. His powers also faultered easily.

She'd had enough of that. At the end of the day, she was all for taking Steven on missions; in fact, Pearl wouldn't dream of it and took some bringing around, and same with Amethyst, except not so much, nor for the same reasons, so basically, Garnet SUGGESTED it. But she couldn't take somebody on missions who can't take care of themselves.

So she sat Steven down after a particularly tiring mission, in his room, and talked to him.

"So what's up, Garnet?"  
"Steven, I know the others either haven't noticed or don't want to comment, but...you've been lagging behind. Your powers are weak, and you're fatigued. I have seen many things in the future, but for once, I'm hoping that my vision is wrong...Alex is beating you, isn't she?" Immediately, Steven's face turned defensive, but his eyes showed past the lie. "NO! OF COURSE SHE ISN'T!"  
"Steven."  
"WHY DOES IT MATTER TO YOU, ANYWAY?!" It was a shout, but the weakness showed through. The sadness. The _pain. _Garnet's expression softened. "...What do you mean?"  
"YOU DON'T LOVE ME! I'M JUST A WEAPON TO YOU! AND YOU'RE ALL JUST KEEPING ME BECAUSE YOU WANT MY MOM BACK!" Tears were budding in his eyes. Now, the Gem wasn't an expressive person, but shock escaped her wall of emotionlessness. She opened her mouth, unsure what to actually say, for once. "NO! DON'T EVEN SAY IT'S NOT TRUE! I'M ONLY HERE BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO BE MY MOM! WELL, I'M NOT, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL FUCKING DUMP ME NOW!"  
"STEVEN QUARTZ UNIVERSE, IF I HEAR YOU SAY THAT WORD AGAIN-!" The shout came from Pearl, downstairs. Steven let out a bitter, upset laugh and flung open his door, running downstairs and to the door. Before he opened it, he turned to face Pearl. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCKEDY FUCK FUCK FUCK! OKAY?! GONNA DUMP ME YET?! HIT ME?! GO AHEAD! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONES!" He ran out, leaving everybody in shock, even Amethyst. But only temporarily, then she just shrugged. Pearl stared at her. "What? You should've sensed this. I honestly thought he'd snap sooner."  
"Where did he- Why does he-" Pearl couldn't piece a sentence together as Garnet came downstairs, head down. "...Steven is never going near Alex again."  
"What?! I thought you said-"  
"...If we don't act now, she will get worse. Humans can be much worse than Gems, Pearl. I will NEVER see Steven hurt like this again...But I can forgive his language for now. He's upset. Humans do this when they're upset." Her voice was calm, but she was quite obviously the polar opposite.

Unfortunately, Steven heard this, after thinking twice and walking back to the temple. He then ran to Alex's house VERY quickly and pounded on the door.

"Steven?" The voice was gentle and tired. The small, blonde girl was in a baby blue, fluffy dressing gown and had a messy ponytail in her hair. _Oh, right, normal people aren't awake at 2am... _"Alex! I'm sorry for waking you up, but you were right, they're gonna split us up! I didn't tell them, but I flipped out, what do I do?!" She paused and looked at him, and then dragged him inside, slamming and locking the door.

"Steven, you can live here."  
"What?" Her eyes were manic, and she had a really frightening smile on her face.  
"You can live here! It'll be perfect! My parents are always out of town and the Gems don't have to know! I'll keep us safe from them, I promise!" Steven was scared by now, but when she was in this state, he knew arguing with her would result in more bruises, so he smiled uncertainly and nodded. "Y-yeah! Yeah! It's perfect! Haha...B-but the Gems can sense me, right?"  
"Oh don't worry about that." She laughed a little. "I've got it. They'll never find you."

* * *

**2 WEEKS LATER**

"STEVEN! COME ON, KIDDO, WHERE ARE YOU?!" Greg had driven with the Gems around the entire of Beach City, in all Steven's favourite places, and still, no avail. Pearl was freaking out worse than Greg was. "Oh my God, GARNET! WE CAN'T SENSE HIM ANYWHERE! WHAT IF HE'S LEFT THIS REGION?! COUNTRY?! _PLANET?!_" Tears were budding again, and Garnet gently patted the other Gem's back as she burst out crying again. For the third time in the past 2 hours.

"...Hey guys?" Amethyst was serious, for the first time in forever. They turned. "What if this has something to do with that Alex girl?"  
"It can't be!" Pearl said, still sobbing. "We searched the place top to bottom! He couldn't be there unless she knew-!"  
"She couldn't know about the Gem technology Rose brought with us. It was destroyed." Garnet's voice was blank and emotionless, and pretty obviously certain. The Gem that was clinging to her looked up. "Y-yeah but I...What if it wasn't?"  
"It was." Greg turned and looked at them.  
"Listen, Rose's stuff was barely ever destroyed. I don't know if you know, but most of her belongings kinda had protective shields and stuff that activated when they were...hurt, I guess? Or in danger? Unless somebody can break her sheilds then whatever your talking about, I don't really wanna say but, it's probably still here."  
"There's no way anybody but Steven could activa-!" Pearl protested, and then stopped and looked at Garnet. "What if he activated it?!"  
"...We are going to that house. Right now."  
"Garnet! I'm sure he didn't know what he was doing!" The Gem was obviously scared now, because Garnet was angry. Angry and scared. Two things that were never good.  
"That little boy needs to be taught a very, VERY VALUABLE life lesson. And I plan to teach it to him. Greg, to Alex Klampton's house. We need to have a talk."

* * *

**AN: whoooooooooooooooooooooah. Wonder what Garnet's gonna do?! And Steven's in trouuuuuble. I'll update as soon as I can, but I'm working on some original stories, so sorry if it takes a while. Review if you liked!**

**~AP**


	3. Control

**AN: Aight, some of you (the only one of you who actually reviews this story) are confused but I assure you it will explain soon enough! This chapter, actually. Also, it kinda deals with mentions of heavy stuff; Selfharm scars, child abuse and suicide. Brief mentions, but I wouldn't want anybody getting upset! Alright, if you're good to go, ENJOY!**  
**~AP**

* * *

"He's not_ HERE_! GET OUT OF MY_ HOUSE_!" The girl tantrummed loudly, pretty much screaming, but adults, let alone adult Gems, can push past her easily. Garnet turned to the others, nodding at them. "Your weapons are the only thing that can guide you to Steven. We do this for him."

"Hey Alex, who's here-?!" The girl looked panicked as Steven rounded the corner, and then paused, looking at the Gems.  
"N-No!" He stumbled back. "What are you doing here?! You can't BE here, she'll-!"

"STEVEN, I TOLD YOU TO STAY IN THE FUCKING BASEMENT!" He flinched away gently as she walked towards him, but her arm was grabbed by Garnet, who then lifted her up by said limb. "Don't touch our Steven." But said boy just glanced between the two, obviously scared, but looked down and let out a gentle whimper.  
"Y-Yes, ma'am, sorry, ma'am, I'm...I'm going."  
"Steven. What control does she have over you?" Garnet was confused ever since his intense mood swings, and could barely predict what he was doing (well, she could literally, but-) however one thing she could tell is that the boy wasn't doing this willingly. He looked desperately up at her and opened his mouth, but then clamped it shut after recieving a glare from Alex. "I-I can't...t-tell..."

Suddenly he yelled out and stumbled backwards, banging his head on the cupboards and sliding to the floor, gripping his head. "I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, PLEASE STOP!" He screamed. "I DON'T WANT THAT THING TO MAKE ME YELL AT THEM AGAIN I'LL GO BACK I'M SORRY I-!" There was a collective yell of 'Steven!' and the Gems ran to help, but then Alex just sighed and tapped her foot, laughing a little as soon as she escaped Garnet's grip. "Move any further and I'll make it worse."  
Pearl narrowed her eyes. "How are you doing this? You could only hurt him so much if he-!"  
"Got his Gem powers disabled?" Alex giggled, and smiled as the three looked at her in confusion. "How...You'd have-?"  
"How do you have Gem technology?" Garnet stated calmly. Or, fake-calmly. She was far from calm. Steven had pulled himself up and was quite obviously limping towards what seemed to be the basement, glancing longingly back at them. "I have my ways. You see, little Steven here started to disobey...So I had to bring out the big guns and get control over him somehow...and what he doesn't want is that little parasite of mine inside his head again, controlling him. Right, Stevie-Wevie?" She put her hands into her pocket and, without a second's notice, Steven collapsed again, not yelling out, but obviously crying and shaking very violently. "D-don't, don't, they probably hate me enough already..." He whimpered, and though Garnet mantained her calm composure on the outside, both Amethyst and Pearl were shaking with anger by this point.

"You see, you weren't the only ones who escaped the war, y'know. My Mum right liked you guys before ya ditched her. And now?" The Gems turned and looked to her, sadness and confusion showing on their faces. Alex pointed a finger up to Garnet. "Now she's GONE! BECAUSE. OF. _YOU!_"  
"Listen, little girl, I'm sure your mother's death was a painless one and-!"  
"It wasn't painless." The girl let out a harsh laugh. "IT WASN'T PAINLESS! YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE SHE _KILLED HERSELF. _DESTROYED HER OWN GEM. BURNT HERSELF UP FROM THE INSIDE OUT! YOU TOOK THE _ONLY _PERSON WHO _LOVED _ME AWAY FROM ME!" She yelled, and even Garnet visibly flinched. They all knew they had no idea. Rose was the only one who would know how to comfort this girl, and Rose wasn't here anymore. She was...well, Steven, who had now disappeared to what the Gems guessed was the basement. "You...You're the cause of THIS!" She pulled up her sleeve, showing many scars. "You're why my Dad hits me ALL THE FUCKING TIME! YOU RUINED MY _LIFE!_ So now?" She giggled evilly, almost insanely. No, wait, definitely insanely. "Now, I'm gonna ruin yours. Slowly. Bit by bit. Cut. By. Cut."

"Steven wouldn't do that!" Pearl blurted out, almost panickedly. Then she looked to Garnet. "R-right? He wouldn't do that?" There was no reply. Garnet just stared hard at the girl. She kneeled down then, pulling up her glasses and looking her in the eyes. "I know you're hurt. And you're upset, and you're angry. At us. I would be too. You can be angry at us, and you can hurt us, but Steven has nothing to do with the War. Please, you know the pain of having your family taken from you. I like to think a beautiful girl like you has the decency to not take away somebody else's." There was a flash of innocence and almost-admiration in her eyes.  
"Y-you...you act like Mum did." At the mention, Alex's eyes went harsh with anger again. "Steven...He has the Rose Quartz Gem. But I'm not angry at Rose. ROSE TRIED! YOU DIDN'T! I'm sorry...I'm sorry, Rose, and I'm sorry, Mother." She seemed to be talking to herself now. "But I have to do this."

With a flash, Garnet found herself battling with something trying to enter her mind. She couldn't see outside; Just the inside of her head, which was Sapphire and Ruby desperately trying to shove back the force entering their head. Eventually, they were too tired. It was too strong.

So she eventually was too fatigued to push it back, and felt herself almost fall asleep.

* * *

**AN: I was gonna end it here but consider this chapter like a two in one.**

* * *

Steven was sitting when the Gems walked down the steps of the large room. The pain had finally faded, and he was cherishing the moments of peace and no pain. He looked up, but the glimmer of hope faded as he saw their eyes. Red.

"Oh _Steven_! I'm gonna make them say what they _REALLY_ think about you!" Alex skipped down and sat on an arm chair across the room, speaking in a happy-go-lucky singsong voice. "P-please leave them alone..." He whimpered, being tired enough as it was. The stuff he'd seen down here, he didn't really get much sleep. Not anymore. "Oh calm down, I won't hurt them _physically, _they'll be fine. Just reading their minds, believe me."

"...Why?"  
"Because I do love you, Steven. I do. And you deserve to know what they think. You deserve to know their lies. Their secrets. You can't trust them." _That voice reminds me of something..._

_"Come with me! You can't trust them!"_

Lapis Lazuli...? Why would he think of that right now...? He brushed away the thought quickly. Lapis was gone, and Gems didn't have families, properly, right? So it had nothing to do with her. Nothing. It couldn't have.

"Ready...Set...GO!" The girl was basically excited. Amethyst was first.  
"I had a friend before YOU came. Somebody who understood me. If you were gone, dead, we could bring her back. I want that. At least if she's with Greg, she'll TRY to spend some time with me. Now she's gone. Because of you." Steven flinched, not knowing that Amethyst was screaming profanities at the thing controlling her in her head. _"IT'S NOT TRUE! I DON'T THINK THAT, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, GOD DAMMIT!"_

Next was Pearl, and Steven felt himself relax. He knew what was coming. He'd heard it before. But he wasn't really ready, because it wasn't worded like this. "...She's gone because of YOU. YOU. We were happy, and then you came along and RUINED it ALL. RUINED. I'd kill you myself if she wouldn't have never forgiven me. I'd rather have HER than you. You're petty, weak, you don't know how to control your powers. You aren't deserving of your Mother's Gem." Tears fell quickly, and Steven curled up in a ball. Maybe they would be better off without him... Pearl could almost hear the thoughts popping up in his head as he sorrowfully studied the wall. _"NO! STEVEN, I MISS HER, BUT I LOVE YOU, OKAY?! I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, THIS THING, I CAN'T-! UGH! DON'T BELIEVE THIS!"_

And finally, Garnet. Steven obviously physically braced himself; This HAD to be the worst. _SLAP! _He shook with the force and looked up. _G-Garnet wanted to...hit me? _Ruby and Sapphire couldn't beat harder. _"NO! DON'T HURT HIM!"_  
_"RUBY, WE HAVE TO THINK RATIONALLY, OTHERWISE WE CAN'T-!" They looked at each other and the thing in front of them, heads hanging as they suddenly held hands. "...It's going to make him...Want to die. For us."_

"I hate you! I wish you were never born!" He was sharply kicked, and tried to scramble backwards, only to wall, covering his face with his hands. "I never wanted to be leader, but I had to be, because Rose gave up her life for the dumb little PARASITE that's you!" A punch in the face, that knocked his head back into the wall, dizzying the boy. He clutched his head, vision going blurry with unshed tears. "I-I'm sorry..." This was the first one he'd actually responded to. _Ruby burst out crying, clutching to Sapphire. "We have to help him, we have to stop this..." Sapphire nodded, seeming calm, but tears were slipping down her face too. "He's...Too sensitive right now..." Sapphire whispered gently. She knew what was going to happen next, and she didn't think telling Ruby would help._

"You should be sorry! You're a monster! An outcast! A _stupid-!_" He was lifted up by the neck, and pawed uselessly at Garnet's hand. He could feel his Gem almost single-mindedly trying to activate the sheild, but no avail. He knew Alex had a way of disabling his powers. They couldn't save him right now. "_Fat-!" _She pulled him near to her face. "_WORTHLESS-!" _She slammed him violently against the wall, and the sides of his vision were fading to black when he attempted to look at her again, taking short, quick breaths because that was all he could. "_FREAK!" _  
"I KNOW! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" He cried out with the last of his breaths as his vision faded fully to black. "I'm...Sorry..."

* * *

**AN: So the second bit was kinda short, which was why I shoved it all in one chapter. Ooooh, cliffhangers! What's gonna happen to Steven? How is Alex controlling the Gems? Disabling Steven's powers? Who WAS Alex's mother? FIND OUT NEXT CHAPTER! Review if you liked it, or wanna place in some constructive criticism. **  
**~AP**


	4. Home Again?

**AN: (Sorry for this being delayed. Things went haywire the other day and I had a lot to deal with. I should've updated sooner, I apologize.) You're all gonna be a bit confuzzled at the beginning, I'd guess, but before you get so, I'LL EXPLAIN! I promise I have this entire thing planned out and it will ALL make sense in the end. Enjoy!  
~AP**

* * *

Garnet registered that she had control over her own mind again, as she dragged open her eyes. She hated battling with her mind; It felt like Ruby and Sapphire were apart, and they didn't want to be apart. Not for long, anyway.

One would expect to be in some kind of imprisonment, but Garnet was surprised to realize she was at the Temple. Their home. Pearl was curled up on the other side of the couch, and Amethyst was sprawled on the floor, snoring loudly. She supposed their Gems were exhausted from the mental attack, and so they should be. Garnet herself felt weak, and fatigued, and was going to go into her room and relax on her own for a while until she remembered.

_Steven!_

She ran up the stairs and let out a sigh of relief. Steven was curled up in the corner of his bed, in a cocoon of covers, like he usually would be on cold nights. Lion was lying almost protectively in front of the bed. But...why? Why would Alex let them go now, of all times? She was just about to get what she wanted, after all, right?

Steven suddenly jerked quite violently awake, and turned around, facing Garnet, but not letting the covers show anything other than the top half of his head. Just eyes, and hair. He stared blankly, raising his eyebrows slightly. "Steven! I-!" She went to hug him, but he immediately flinched away, and Garnet let her hand drop back to her side. Of course that would be most likely...

"What?" His voice was shaky, scared and hoarse. He'd been crying, and had barely slept. That much was obvious. "Is she gone?" Garnet asked, looking around. He shouldn't be this paranoid if Alex wasn't around, right?

Steven let out a loud and bitter laugh, and turned away again. "She'll never be gone, Garnet."  
"What?"  
"She's gone. Yeah, she isn't here. But...But she's not gone for me. She'll never be gone for me. I can't even sleep anymore, and I'm scared of you guys. Scared. Of you. Even though I know it wasn't you, saying...doing all those things. This isn't going to go away." Tears were obvious, because they wet his sheets. "I don't...A big boy now. Big boys don't cry. Just shows what I really am, huh? A baby. A big, idiotic baby." Garnet swear she felt her heart break, but it couldn't amount to this. She saw it clearly; This boy...The boy who was basically her son, he was broken. He'd been broken, torn apart. And though she knew she didn't have the strength to control her body when it happened, the Gem couldn't help feeling like she was the one who broke him.

* * *

"DAD!" It was the happiest sound the boy had emitted in the last 4 months. He ran into Greg's open arms, and just cried. The Gems watched, the feeling of a familiar sadness brushing over all of them.

They would never be his real family. And they could never comfort him like that.

"Oh my God, Steven, Steven, Steven!" Greg laughed and spun the boy around, and then pulled him close. "God, don't you ever worry me like that again! I thought I'd lost you!" The man clung to his son, and didn't look like he was going to be letting go any time soon. Steven clung back, though, sobbing gently.  
"I-I thought I'd never g-get to see you a-again..." He cried, and Greg rubbed circles into his back, letting the boy cry.  
"We'd always have found ya, kiddo. We'd never stop searching. You know that, right?" He pushed him back, holding Steven at arm's length. Steven wiped his eyes and let a small smile fall onto his face. "Y-yeah."

* * *

Later, when Steven had headed off to the Big Donut, Greg was talking to the Gems. "We need to go on missions, Greg." Pearl stated, raising an eyebrow. "Steven still needs training."  
"Listen, I know he needs training, but have you seen him? The kid's been through hell. Just let him relax for a while, please?" Amethyst sighed and stood next to Greg.  
"I agree with Baldy here. Steven's...really not good right now. He needs some time to get going, yknow? Get his funky flow back." Pearl and Garnet looked at each other, and after a minute, they both nodded reluctantly.

Suddenly, there were ambulance sounds, and they all jerked their heads towards the city. Greg hopped in his van, and the Gems jumped to the source of the sounds, the panic.

* * *

"There's nothing physically wrong with him." The paramedic concluded, as Steven studied the floor. Sadie was obviously in some form of shock, and glared at the man crouched in front of the now blank-faced boy. "Then why did he-?"  
"It's what we call an anxiety attack. I'd take him to some kind of doctor or physciatrist. I can't take him to the hospital, but this isn't normal or healthy. Either he's been born with it, or recently, he's been through a lot of really intense stuff. Anything you want to say, kiddo?" Steven shook his head, pulling his knees closer to his chest.

The Gems were talking to the driver of the ambulance, but Greg was allowed through. He ran, and dropped to his knees next to his son. "Steven...What...What happened? Are you okay?"  
"I-I don't know..." His voice was small, quiet and hurt. "I...I just...Lars said...Lars called me a freak like he always does but...But I suddenly just...couldn't breathe? And my chest hurt and I couldn't move or anything and I...I don't...Know why...I could...I could barely even see, I just felt like...Like they were all...looking at me and laughing." He mumbled on for a while, and Sadie just turned to Lars and slapped him, full on, around the face. Everybody momentarily glanced at the paramedic, who just shrugged. "Sorry, but he kinda really deserved that."

"I didn't mean to set THIS off!" Lars protested weakly, obviously still in slight shock. "It's just how stuff always works! It never seemed to AFFECT him before!" The teen was shaking slightly. He never expected the happy-go-lucky kid to be _upset _by what he said. Steven always seemed invincible and completely oblivious to his insults and disliking. "This isn't before." Garnet was suddenly standing behind Lars, who jumped, turning and then falling over, onto his bottom, which gave Steven a quiet giggle. "W-wha-?!"

"Lars, is it?" He nodded, staring in surprise at the large woman. "Steven was...let's say kidnapped. By somebody who wanted to hurt him VERY badly, and did hurt him. A lot. In his father's words, he has been through human HELL. So now is not the same. And if I hear of you talking to Steven like that again, then I will not hesitate to destroy your face, house, and dog."  
"I don't have a dog-!" He sighed and stood up, brushing himself off and shoving his hands in his pockets. "Okay. I didn't even mean it badly, okay?" Lars turned to Steven, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Steven looked up at the teenager, giving him an uncertain smile. "I'll be fine. Just a word, right?"  
"Well, yeah, but words can hurt a lot. I know that more than pretty much anybody in this craphole of a city. So I'm really, really sorry and I hope whatever shit you went through clears away eventually." Steven looked up at the guy who'd tormented him for years, and couldn't help the old, childish admiration that suddenly rose. "Y-yeah! I hope it does, too!"

Even Lars smiled a bit when he sounded somewhat like his old self. "Well...I know how it feels to think nobody respects you, y'know? That everybody's laughing? So...I've been a dick."  
"...It's okay." Steven replied, now sounding a little uneasy. "B-But can you...like...go away now? I really wanna go home." The teen nodded, looking a little sheepish, and Greg scooped up his son, bundling him into the passenger seat of his van.

* * *

**AN: I'M MAKING THIS HYPER LONG FOR ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT YOU GUYS BETTER DAMN APPRECIATE IT**  
**~AP**

* * *

"...Kiddo, what...what happened down there? You need to talk about it." It'd been about the third time in this hour Greg had tried to get an answer from Steven, who just shuddered, and shook his head. "Steven. I'm being serious. You talk to one of us, or a doctor."

"Connie."  
"What?" It was the first time he'd said anything after they'd brought him home. Steven turned his head and looked up at his father.  
"C-can I see Connie? Or can she come over? Please?" Greg sighed.  
"Sure, buddy. Call her over." Steven scooped up the huge house phone, and the man furrowed his eyebrows.  
"Why aren't you using your mobile?"  
"Alex broke it." His voice was quiet and monotonous, but also as if that was a completely normal thing. Greg nodded and walked over to the kitchen area as the boy dialled.

"He won't talk. Connie's coming over." The Gems sighed in almost perfect unison. They never truly knew what Steven saw down there, other than what they saw. But obviously, there was more than they originally comprehended.

"We can talk to her later. I think she'll get through to him." Garnet sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Until then, just leave them."

* * *

"STEVEN! OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SO WORRIED!" Connie basically tackle-hugged him into the sand, which caused the boy to burst into giggles. "What happened?" She said, after sitting up and helping him to do the same. Steven sighed and moved back until his back was pressed up against the cliff. "A lot of complicated stuff. I...I don't think you want to know."

"Steven? Last time this happened, you really needed to talk." Connie put a caring arm over his shoulders, moving next to him. "You know you can tell me, right?" He looked at her with a sad smile. "I don't think this is the stuff even you should know, Connie." She wrinkled her eyebrows.  
"Well, why not?"  
"It's...It's horrible. It's...It's too much, y'know?" Steven sighed, pulling his knees to his chest and playing with the hems of his jeans.  
"I know what too much feels like." Connie offered, hoping to provide some form of empathizing comfort. It failed.

"Not this kind." He stared out into the ocean almost longingly. "Never this kind."  
"You miss her." Connie said gently, following his vision into the vast abyss of the ocean. Steven glanced sideways.  
"What?"  
"Lapis Lazuli. You miss her." He sighed, letting his head fall back onto the cool rocks of the cliff. "...I've missed her for a long, long time now, Connie. That's something we know. But she isn't coming back." There was a very obvious scent of resignition in his voice. "She's not coming back. That doesn't matter."  
"She was your friend. Of course it matters-!"  
"How many years now? Two? THREE?!" He lashed out, burying his face in his arms. "IT DOESN'T MATTER, CONNIE! I should be over that. And I am." He moved his head up, wiping his eyes with his hand. "I am over it. That doesn't mean I don't want her back. Just...Leave it, please?"  
"...Okay." She began tracing patterns into the sand with her finger.

"...Alex."  
"Hm?"  
"From your school?"  
"Oh! That...Girl." She said the word with such contempt, spitting it out as if it were a swear. "She _USED_ to be my friend."  
"I thought you said you didn't have any friends before me?" Steven teased, with a tiny smile.  
"I didn't! I don't_ count_ her!" Connie sighed, and picked up a pebble, throwing it into the waves. "And for good reason."  
"What do you mean, for good reason?" The boy couldn't help but be intrigued now, cocking his head to one side and looking at the girl he'd crushed on for many years now. _Her hair looks pretty today...FOCUS, STEVEN! _"She was fine at first, and I was actually planning on introducing you, especially when I heard she was moving to Beach City. But that girl turned _NASTY_ fast." She sighed and shifted slightly, so her head was leaning on Steven's shoulder. He could almost feel his inner fangirl squealing. _STEVEN! SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU! _  
"The first day I saw her bruises I felt sorry for her. I guess in that sense, I still do. You don't know how lucky you are sometimes, Steven. Your family may not be nuclear, and it may not be normal, or perfect," She sighed, shifting slightly closer. The boy felt blush rising in his cheeks, and leaned his head on top of hers gently. If he had done this with Alex, he would've gotten a slap for something or the other by now, so the boy was being cautious. Many things can be drove into your head when you're told them enough. "But they love you more than anything in the world, you know that?"

Steven let out a bitter bark of a laugh. "What?"  
"...Honestly?" He let out a quiet sigh, but Connie caught it. "I think they're sick of me."  
"You've been back a day." She protested. "They missed you a ton!"  
"...Something happened today." He tried to pull away, but Connie made a whiny, childish protesting sound, so he stayed put instead. "It was...weird."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Remember when we fused? When we were like 12?" The girl giggled a little, and then nodded. "And we were at that party, and...I felt you panicking and we saw all those things that weren't right and our chest felt all tight?"  
"...A near anxiety attack, you mean?" Connie looked up at him, glasses falling down the bridge of her nose a little as she turned her head. Steven pulled his back so she wouldn't get a face full of curls. "...Is that what it was called?"  
"...I have them a lot. Mother says that I have this thing called a Social Anxiety Disorder. I have medicine and stuff but I don't take it 'cause it makes me really sad. Like, really sad." She put her head back down, and Steven shifted back with the girl. "I don't even think I have it. It's meant to be really intense and I'm not that bad. But...you had a panic attack?"  
"That's w-what the doctor guy said." The curly-haired boy cursed himself for stuttering. He had a feeling he'd be doing a lot more of that now.

"Why?"  
"...Lars called me a freak. I don't know why it'd make me panic like that..." _FREAK! _Garnet's voice still yelled it in his head, and he shuddered. He hoped the flashbacks and stuff went away soon. They were really unpleasant, and that was an understatement. "I mean...It's all that I am, right?" He let out a little laugh and pulled away, curling up into a ball again. "Just a stupid, fat, worthless FREAK!" Steven raised his hand to hit himself on the head, but Connie caught his hand swiftly. "NO! You aren't a freak! You aren't-!" She stopped at the boy's face, and pulled him into a comforting hug, which caused him to burst out crying for about the third time today. "Hey, hey, it's okay! It's okay!"  
"It's not okay!" Steven sobbed, clinging to the soft fabric of her cotton dress. It was a pretty baby blue and had a white belt-like thing going around the middle that tied in a knot at the back. "It...I...Why did this have to happen to me?!" He was pretty much wailing now, but his face was buried in her shoulder, so he couldn't see the contorted expression of emotional pain on Connie's face.

To anybody who could see her face, it was quite obvious that it was killing the girl to see her best and only friend in this state, when he was usually a happy-go-lucky hug-ball.

After the upset dimmed down, Steven sniffled slightly, pulling away and turning towards the sea. "S-sometimes?" He buried his head in his knees. "Sometimes I-I think everybody would b-be better off if I just died..."  
"NO!" The yell made the boy jump and jerk his head up, obviously startled. "S-sorry for yelling." Connie apologized quickly, looking a little sheepish for about a millisecond. "But...my entire life I've felt worthless, unwanted, and unloved. Until I met you. And I felt the same too many times to count." She shuffled until she was kneeling in front of him.  
"But Steven Quartz Universe, you are the most _AMAZING_ person I've ever met and befriended, and you will _NEVER_, ever need to die, okay? Nobody would_ EVER_ be better off without somebody as fantastic as you. You don't deserve to feel like this and I don't know why you do, I hope to find out eventually so I know who I need to kill," Steven let out a quiet laugh at that. "But anyway. You should _NEVER_ feel like you're unwanted, worthless, unloved. Because I'll always want you."

* * *

**AN: Alright I made the ending cute. Are you guys happy? This is kinda longer than my usual chapter because I will have a week where I won't be updating, but I will be writing. So this is to put you on until I can post my hopefully already finished by the time I get home chapters. I thought I'd end it on a motivational note so you aren't screaming at me forever.**  
**Anyway, review if you hate me, want to give me some constructive criticism, or liked! **  
**~AP**


	5. Go To Sleep

**AN: I don't know when this is going to be posted, but I'm writing it on the first day of my holiday, and hopefully it'll be up via a hotspot, or the second I get back home. I know what many of my friends are screaming; EM, CHILL, YOU'RE MEANT TO BE RELAXING! But I won't because I'm way behind on FanFics, and you guys want them. Okay, so writing this from the future, my laptop was down this was meant to be uploaded on like Sunday I am SO sorry please forgive me. It's super short as well I feel really bad I hope this is enough to put you guys on. Enjoy! **  
**~AP**

* * *

"...A-and...Then...Well, you can guess what happened..." Steven finished awkwardly, looking away. Connie hugged him, curling her hands into the fabric of his trademark star T-Shirt, and let out a tiny, quiet yawn that she obviously thought the other didn't hear. (He totally did.)  
"Steven...That's...that's so horrible...Does anybody else know?"  
"Not properly." He suddenly became very interested in his sandals. Connie pulled back, holding him at arm's length and lifting up his chin so she looked him directly in the eyes. He couldn't help but marvel in the softness of her chocolate brown irises, that were light in the middle, and slowly turned darker to the circumference, like a tiny, caring sun. "You should talk to somebody. I know I'm your like, best friend, so it's easier to talk to me, but I think you're gonna need help that I can't provide."  
"I don't _need _help! Why does everybody keep saying that?!" He glared away bitterly. "I'm fine. It'll disappear in a couple of days."

The girl sighed, and let out a louder yawn on accident. It was about half past ten at night now. "This kinda thing doesn't disappear, Steven."  
"You need to go to bed." He said, standing up and pulling her up with him. "You need a lift home? My Dad can give you one, I'll walk you-!"  
"I think I can walk to the carwash, Steven. You gonna go to bed yourself?"  
"Okay. Uh...I think I'm just gonna stay out here for a bit longer." He sat back down, looking into the stars witsfully. Connie glanced down worriedly, but nodded. "Okay. Remember to sleep, Steven. You need it."  
"I'll try." He brushed off absent-mindedly as his crush walked away with an almost forlorn wave.

When she was gone, he sighed, staring out into the ocean. Maybe if he waded deep enough and didn't swim, he'd just disappear for good...The boy laughed out loud near hysterically at how sick it was that that was a fantasy now, not a fear, or some random urge. Maybe he really did need help. _You don't deserve it anyway. _The nagging voice in his mind was consistent, never failing to make him feel bad at pretty much anything he was doing.

He hated that he believed it. Heck, he hated that it was there. He hated that people were getting hurt because of him, feeling hurt because of him. He hated that he was worrying people. He hated that it said that the Gems and his Dad and Connie and Lars and Sadie and everybody was just laughing at him behind his back at how pathetic he was, and he hated that he believed that, because he knew they'd be upset if they heard of it.

Before, that would've probably made him angry. Now it just kinda made him upset at himself.

Kinda made him wanna do the thing that Alex had taunted him to do too many times to count when he was living in that basement. To do the one thing he'd promised himself he wouldn't.

But no. If you promise yourself something, you should keep that. It's most likely for the safety of you or somebody else or both, so you should make sure nothing makes you break that promise, no matter what. Then again, why would they care? If he decided to...do what Alex had done? Or something similar? Steven pondered over it for a while. _How would it even feel? Good? Bad? _It hit him momentarily that it was madhouse material to even be thinking about this, but that was closed off with the fact that his life in general was probably madhouse material at this point.

Wait...If it would hurt them, emotionally or somehow otherwise, (He highly doubted both sides.) then he could always just keep it from them, right? He had enough sweaters and hoodies and whatnot, or he could just do it on his thighs. They didn't have to know.

And it could make him feel as good as Alex said it would.

The teenager sighed and got up, trailing up the hill to the Temple. No. The idea was stupid, insensible, _harmful. _He shouldn't do it. He_ wouldn't _do it.

Of course, his view wasn't the same a couple of months from then.

* * *

**AN: I'M SO SORRY IT'S SHORT! In my defense, the last one was really long, and the next one's gonna be too! Forgive me, children! The next one is started already. So that's the end of that. And review, fav or follow if you liked it or wanna give me criticism! **

**~AP**


	6. Blame and Abandon

**AN: Alright, guys, this story is going to have an alternative and KIND OF more child-friendly ending in another story. It'll be a couple chapters leading from the previous from here. I don't know what to call it yet, but for all those who can't or would prefer to read the other, I apologize, I will not be able to post until this story is finished. Which is, unfortunately, only about 4 to 5 chapters as the original plan, unless I get new ideas! Ending 1, I guess.**  
**TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELFHARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!**  
**Before I get any flames, honestly I mean no harm. Steven is my baby. I am screaming at myself rn. HEY SO THAT'S THAT. Sorry this took so long. Things were going down. ENJOY!**  
**~AP**

* * *

_Every scar is a war._

That's what the books said. That's what the internet said. It was what EVERYBODY said.

It wasn't true. You see, Steven stopped fighting a long time ago.

Now he's just a broken toy in a broken body that he doesn't deserve. And nobody knew about it.

After trauma, they say your mind numbs itself from the world. The boy knew his must not have done that; He felt every glance, every stare, and heard (and took to heart) every insult. He just cared too much.

But then again, it also felt like he didn't care at all.

He did feel numb. Maybe this made him feel. Maybe this was what made him HUMAN. Maybes are pointless in this world.

Freak. Fat. Worthless. Each word carved itself into his body and bled like some kind of beautiful, tragic art. At least to him. It almost made him smile, until he reminded himself that he couldn't spend this long in the bathroom otherwise the Gems would notice.

It's a shame. He really thought he'd have the courage to do it this time.

His eyes locked on the medicine cabinet. He knew there were insomnia pills in there. They made him more panicky, though. He'd rather not sleep.

When Pearl found out he went off of them again, she was going to freak and make him take them. He knew that. And then he'd get another lecture about how he needed to "get better" and that everybody was "worried" about him.

Words mean nothing when you're this in deep.

Speaking of deep, Steven snapped back to reality and sighed. Blood dripped onto the floor again. That took ages to clean.

The things he did to stop them finding out.

He sighed. "Bandages again, really, Steven?" He murmured to his reflection as he wrapped the gauze around his arm. "_What did you do now? What's wrong, Steven?! Blah blah blah, I pretend to care._ " He imitated Pearl, and then immediately felt bad. As he finished and tied it up, he let out a groan. This needed to stop. He couldn't hide it forever and it "wasn't like him". Plus, it felt like his Gem was physically protesting to it, because he got serious stomach pain afterwards.

"Stop complaining, you deserve it." The now-teen had taken to ranting to himself every so often. It just made him feel worse, but that was kind of the point. He walked out of the bathroom to find Garnet back, and eyeing him suspiciously.

"G-Garnet!" He said, stumbling back. He expected to at least be able to get his hoodie before one of the Gems was home. "I didn't expect you home early!"  
"Obviously not. What happened to your arms?" Steven sighed and knew that she already knew, but he somehow had it in him to try and brush it off anyway. "Ah, you know me, just...being clumsy."  
"I didn't assume that on a beach, one could be clumsy enough to need to bandage both of their arms to the elbow." There was fire behind her tone, but her voice itself was completely calm and monotonous, as per usual.

"Someone left some broken glass and I tripped."  
"That was your excuse last week, Steven. Don't lie to me. I'll ask you one more time or take the bandages off. What. Happened." The boy lowered his head and looked to the floor, fake smile falling. He'd suspected Garnet had known for a while. "I-It's really n-nothing, Garnet."  
"So purposefully causing harm to yourself is nothing?" He visibly flinched, and took a quick step backwards. She was angry, and when Garnet was angry, people were in trouble. "W-well, not when you s-say it like that, b-but-!" She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.  
"So that IS what you've been doing."  
"...F-fine. Yeah, maybe it is. So what?"  
"So what? _SO WHAT?!_" Her hand dropped down, and she yanked Steven's head up so eye contact could be made. He yelped, and scrambled, pawing gently at Garnet's hand as if afraid to push harder. She tensed, and lowered her hand. "Steven, I'm sorry." He slowly calmed his breathing and looked away.  
"'s fine."

"But seriously, this is NOT a 'So what?' matter! What if one day you go too far and die?! Sure, your Gem's there, but it may not be you, where would that leave us?!"  
"I DON'T CARE! MAYBE I WANT TO DIE, MAYBE THAT'S THE POINT!" Tears formed, and then fell as the boy pretty much collapsed in on himself, curling up into a ball. And then he started sobbing, rocking back and forth and repeating it, whispering to himself: "Weak, weak, weak, weak, weak, die, die, DIE!"

"Oh, Steven." The voice was gentle, and it broke at the end. _No...Not Amethyst too! She can't see me like this!_ Despite him yelling at himself inside his head, the sobs just got harder. "Leave me alone, I'm fine. I'M FINE!" He chanted it to himself as he felt his chest tighten. Pearl would know about him avoiding his meds if he had a panic attack. She took him to the doctor and eventually he got given his "dailies" and had to see the doctor every week. There were antidepressants, anti-anxiety pills, sleepers, and some other things that help with nightmares apparently. He stopped looking at them.

They stopped it, but they made him feel ill. And he didn't deserve to feel better, anyway.

His breathing became faster and he curled up, tears drying, but his eyes watering anyway. It was loud, his breathing. Ragged, broken, too fast to help him actually get air into his lungs. "Not again, please no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" He let out a strangled yelp after finishing the chant earlier than he seemed to have intended, and the boy gripped his curls in frustration, screaming inside his head. _BREATHE, JUST BREATHE, DAMMIT, BREATHE!_

"Steven, get up." Garnet demanded. The dark-haired teen looked up at her in horror, and Amethyst scoffed in protest. "What the hell?! Garnet, don't be like this right now, he's panicking!"  
"I know. Get up. Now." Steven stood up shakily, his wobbling knees barely holding his weight. When he'd got some form of balance, he looked to the Gem for the next order. "Now, 10 jumping jacks."  
"GARNET!"  
"Now!" Despite Amethyst's protests, he obeyed, feeling pretty stupid doing so.

He was surprised when his chest loosened again, and he could breathe easily. In awe, he looked at his leader. "H-how-?!"  
"You learn some things from being on Earth for so long." She tapped her nose and smiled fondly, and Steven let out a now-foreign sound; A small, quiet, but there, laugh. It had been a while since he'd even smiled. Then again, he hadn't really had a reason to do so before.

"Now onto the more important things. Luckily for you, Pearl stayed behind to clean up some mess we made on the mission. However, both me and Amethyst know this; You're having panic attacks and not sleeping again, and that means you came off your medication. Again. Am I right?" Steven quickly fled his gaze to the floorboards. He really didn't want them to find out; At least, not like this. Not right now. Nevertheless, he nodded in response.

"T-they make it worse! They make me tired, and the antidepressants make the panic worse, and the panic pills make the sadness worse, and the nightmare ones make me ill!" He blurted out. Steven was then, though, hit with the realization that he sounded like a five-year-old refusing to eat his greens. It was pathetic, really...Or at least, to him it was.

"Then why didn't you say-!"  
"I'M SICK OF BEING HYPED UP ON PILLS JUST TO GET THROUGH THE DAY! I'M NOT CRAZY!" He yelled, tears budding and falling, as he sniffled. He wiped his face, and Garnet stepped towards him, blank-faced.

_Pop!_  
The rose-tinted bubble appeared as he reverted his gaze up to hers. Garnet physically flinched away. Now, she could barely deal with him being scared of her in general, but now, even his Gem was afraid of her. Even Rose was scared. No, not scared. Angry. She only realized this when...well, she saw Rose. A figure, faint, pink outline, that came and shoved her backwards with the angriest expression the leader had ever seen. Then, it disappeared. Rose was angry, and protective, and still there. Very there.

Garnet tried to step towards the boy, who was crying, wiping his nose on his sleeve and eventually sitting down. This time, she put her hands up in surrender and took her glasses off, showing a careful, gentle and I-only-want-to-help expression. "LEAVE US ALONE!" It was clear, Rose's voice. From Steven's direction, but not from his mouth. Lion growled and jumped in front of the bubble, baring his teeth at Garnet, who backed off quickly. She could talk sense into Rose and Steven, but a brawl with a lion wasn't exactly on her bucket list.

Suddenly, Steven sat up, straight as a board, staring into the distance, eyes glassy. Then, the bubble disappeared, his eyes rolled back into his head and Lion lay down, keeping a watch on Garnet and Amethyst, as the boy fell backwards with a gentle _"thump!" _to the floor. "STEVEN!" It was Pearl's shrill shout, and Garnet quickly put a hand on her chest to stop her running to the teen. "Garnet, wha-?!"  
"Rose."  
"What?!"  
"Rose is angry. And protecting him. It's okay. I trust her."  
"But...how?!"  
"She never left." Garnet stated simply, and walked into her room, leaving the other two to decide what to do. Pearl looked exasperatedly at Lion. "Can't I at least take him to bed?" The pink animal looked up, slowly standing. Then it reared it's head, gesturing for Pearl to pick Steven up. She approached carefully. The pastel-themed Gem had always been kind of scared of the thing, and now it was acting aggressive. That was bad.

She lifted Steven onto it's back and backed away quickly, hands up. The thing narrowed it's eyes, then nodded, and took off up the stairs.

* * *

**GARNET'S POV**

"It's not our fault!" Sapphire argued. The two had split. Lost it, and split. Ruby threw her hands up in the air.  
"We should've tried harder! I should've tried harder!" Sapphire grabbed the other's arm.  
"We couldn't have! You know that!" The red Gem shook her arm out of her lover's grip.  
"_We_ saw what he was doing and _we_ chose not to stop it. That's not on_ Rose_, that's not on _Alex_, that's not on _ANYONE_. IT'S ON_ US, _SAPPHIRE!"  
"MAYBE IT'S NOT ON US! MAYBE IT'S ON YOU!" Ruby went silent. You could hear a pin drop. Sapphire never yelled, never lost it. She was the calm one. "Maybe, you said 'He'll sort himself out', you said 'it'll be fine', remember that, Ruby?"  
"Y-Y-Y-YOU'RE PUTTING THIS ON ME! THAT'S _RICH!" _Slowly, one side off the room started to turn blue.  
"Rich? Why? Because you don't like to admit fault?"  
"Oh, really, coming from you, that's great, Sapphire!"  
"Get out."  
"What?" The cocky smile faded off of Ruby's face.  
"GET. OUT." The sound echoed into the outside of the table as she forcibly shoved Ruby out of their room. Amethyst turned and her eyes widened to see Ruby standing there.

The Gem clutched her chest as if she were having a heart attack, and then fell to her knees and let out a pained, almost-childish wail. "Ruby! Ruby, shoosh, it's okay!" The other Gem said desperately. The wails continued and a loud "UGH!" came from the temple, and then a crash. Sapphire marched out, shoving Ruby out of the door, who fell to the side and curled up, looking up to the other with tears in her eyes. "Don't be pathetic, Ruby."  
"Hey, Sapphire, it's not really acceptable to call your-!"  
"My what? She's not ANYTHING to me. She let Steven hurt himself." Sapphire answered simply. Amethyst's eyes widened.  
"Wait, what?!"

If you could see any of Sapphire's eyes, you'd see a malicious glint in them. "Steven has been causing injury to himself purposefully and Ruby decided not to stop him."  
"You WHAT?!" Amethyst yelled, turning to Ruby.  
"I didn't MEAN FOR IT TO GET LIKE THIS!" She wailed out, tears streaming down her face like tragic waterfalls.  
"YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL US!"  
"IT'S NOT MY F-FAULT!"

Pearl came running back downstairs and looked with her mouth partially open at Sapphire, Amethyst and then Ruby."What's all this shouting about?!"  
"Ruby stopped Garnet from telling us about Steven and his problem."  
"What problem?!" The Gem looked between the three once again. Amethyst sighed, rolling her eyes. "He's been self-harming, Pearl." Her eyes widened.  
"W-WHAT?! WHY?!"  
"I DON'T KNOW! RUBY _LET _HIM!"

Both the other Gems began yelling at the smaller one, who covered her ears, crying and rocking back and forth. Sapphire began walking towards the door, but was stopped by a hand that pulled her into the gap behind the sofa. Steven's exhausted face greeted her. "You are meant to be sleeping."  
"You're really g-going to leave her like that?!"  
"That is the original plan, yes." You couldn't tell any emotion from nuetral on the Gem's face. "She won't survive without you, you know that, right?" Sapphire turned her head away.  
"Ruby should've thought about that before she said what she did." The Gem then stood up and made towards the door again, stopping as Steven grabbed the hem of her dress. "She doesn't care whether she lives or not." Tears budded, and for some reason that she couldn't fully understand herself, she just walked.

She should've known that Ruby wouldn't be the same when she got back.

Maybe she should've turned back then.

Maybe she shouldn't have said anything.

She saw what came next. What happened if she didn't come back. And something horrified Sapphire, something absolutely terrified her.

She didn't really care.

* * *

**AN: So there it is. I'll try to get the second chapter up tomorrow if I don't die internally again. Have fun with this, children. I AM SO SORRY. PLEASE DO NOT MURDER ME. Review if you liked, or just to tell me whatcha think! Thanks for reading!**  
**~AP**


	7. All His Fault

**AN: There are so many mysteries to this story...I wonder, have any of you noticed them yet? Haha, anyway. Next chapter! I'm writing this, once again, directly after I've posted the previous chapter, so it should be up ASAP. Apologies; It's exam season, so I'm trying to write a couple chapters now to satisfy you all for a while whilst I focus on my exams. Sorry! Trigger warning for suicide and pretty much everything else in the last chapter. Enjoy, friends! Also, this is just a filler chapter so it's hyper short. I wrote it at 3am. Gimme a break. Have a fun read!**  
**~AP**

* * *

"RUBY!" It was a scream of pure horror.  
The round, red gem clattered onto the floor as her form disappeared. With it, the knife clattered next to it. Steven sprinted over, scooping the delicate Gem up carefully and glancing at the note. It was an arrow, pointing towards where the Gem fell, and the most painful words Steven had ever read.  
"JUST STAMP ON ME NOW. GET IT OVER WITH."

Sapphire suddenly ran in, a look of distraught on her face as she rushed over. "RU-!" She stopped and looked at Steven, who was shaking and hyperventilating, and held out the gem to the other. "S-she a-asked u-us to s-smash her Gem." He barely got the words out. Sapphire took it in her hands and looked at the note, then to Steven, then to the knife on the floor. "I knew this would happen." Her voice was dull, numb. Hurt. Steven could tell; His voice had been similar before, and Alex's was often. "What?"  
"I knew this would happen and I still walked away. How could I do that?" Sapphire tilted her head so it looked as if she was making eye contact with Steven. "How could I do that to her?"  
"I-I tried. I tried t-to stop y-you."  
"I-I know. I should've listened."

Sapphire didn't say anything else, just stumbled to her room and used her Gem, holding Ruby's up, to allow herself into their room. She stumbled in, almost dazed in how she was acting. The door sealed quicker than usual.

As soon as Steven was sure she was staying in there, he picked up the knife, staring at it in an almost longing state. "No. No. You did it earlier. That's just excessive. It could kill you. Put it down." He didn't realize he was thinking out loud as he put the knife back, and picked up Ruby's note. He looked at it, a tear dropping onto the page. It was so messily written; So desperate. He could've talked to her, helped her. He couldn't have known but he could've tried to help anyway...

It was all his fault Sapphire and Ruby unfused and started arguing. It was all his fault Sapphire walked out and Ruby got yelled at and then did this. This was all Steven's fault.

All his fault.  
His.  
Fault.

* * *

**LATER**

"Steven! Hello?" Connie knocked again, and then just let herself in. She heard the Gems warp away for a mission but wanted to keep Steven company. She couldn't be the only one who didn't trust him alone.

She sighed and let herself in. The girl was sure the Gems wouldn't mind; She was basically family at this point. It's not like she'd steal or break anything, she wasn't that type of person. It was fine to do that. Right? Yes, of course it was. She needed to stop worrying, she decided.

Nobody was there.

Connie ascended the stairs, but quickly came back down. Steven wasn't in his room. She searched more, and then eventually came to the bathroom. Her heart was practically beating out of her chest as she shoved open the door. Her chest was tight already, and she had an almost certain idea of what she was going to see, but she wouldn't believe it until she saw it.

As Connie saw what was there, all she could will her body to actually do was to open her mouth and let out a panicked scream.

It can't be. It couldn't be. Is it? It has to be. She couldn't just be imagining this.

She hoped to every God ever theorized to exist that she was imagining it.

* * *

**AN: I said it's hyper short! Sorry! I'm gonna upload a longer, proper chapter tomorrow. BOOM! DRAMA! I hope this was enjoyable. I'm gonna get the AN for the next one out of the way then start it as soon as I wake up tomorrow, swear on my soul! I hope you enjoyed. Review if you liked, or want to tell me what you think!**  
**~AP**


	8. Dr Maheswaran

**AN: Ah, so, before you all scream at me, at least this exists. Okay, I've been going through a hard time, plus my laptop is dead, which means all the in-progress chapters for my fics are gone. I'm trying to continue this one and some for my other more active ones, but the others are still on hiatus until my laptop is fixed. So, sorry! I'm literally rewriting everything! Enjoy!  
**~**AP**

* * *

"Connie, please." The teen looked up at her Mother, who was very close to dragging her away. "I don't know what any of this means, but your friend Steven isn't here."  
"Mom, leave." It was quiet and harsh. Connie turned her head back down. She knew the Crystal Gems had called her parents.

It had been two weeks since she found Steven bloodied up and near-unconscious in his bathroom. She'd talked to him, and she didn't know whether or not to call an ambulance, or find a way to contact the Gems. She'd clung to him, got out a First-Aid kit, and said to stay, not to sleep, too many times. Connie was aware Gems regenerated, and there was no damage to Steven's Gem. She eventually found the whistle they'd given Greg when he was injured all those years ago, and blew it twice through her sobs. Steven just shook his head at her and frowned. "Y-you care t-too much..." He'd whimpered out. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't want to die, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry." The boy had repeated things similar for about five minutes as, unbeknownst to her, the Gems rushed as fast as they could to the Warp Pad.

Also unbeknownst to her, they told Steven to blow it if he was in trouble.

* * *

_She knew now, of course, that the only one quick enough was Sapphire, who had run in, Ruby still clutched in her hand. The blue Gem couldn't speak though. She just froze in her run, nearly falling over, her bangs falling out of her face to reveal part of her single eye. It was wide, and she tried to stutter something out as tears formed, but obviously couldn't. Steven had glanced at her, and his smile that seemed to be just to comfort Connie, dropped. "I'm sorry. I should've helped...I shouldn't..." He coughed a little, and stopped, then wrapped the right arm, which was slightly less injured, around himself. "I love you all...I'm sorry."_

_And in that single moment that went forever, all that happened was Steven closing his eyes, a flash, and a clatter as the pink Gem fell onto the floor gently. It felt like the entire world had just begun falling, and Connie tried to cry, but no sound came out. _

_In a flash, Pearl and Amethyst arrived. Amethyst's eyes widened, and she seemed to have trouble breathing. "I-He-...PEARL! DO SOMETHING!" The younger Gem yelled out in complete horror, shaking the other's arm vigorously. Garnet was out of business, so Pearl had to have the solution, right? Well, no. She didn't. The pale Gem took a hand and clamped it to her mouth as she began to chant to herself. "No, no, no, no, NOT AGAIN, no, NO!" She ran over to Connie, who had scooped up the Gem and was holding it loosely in her lap, still covered in blood from the boy that was there just seconds ago. "This can't be happening, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! I'm sorry, Rose, I'm sorry, I failed again, I'm sorry!" She dropped to her knees, pulling them to her chest and sobbing.  
_

_Connie didn't even speak. That was when it happened. Ruby reformed, and as she linked her hand with Sapphire's and looked around her, all she did is turn. Sapphire nodded, and after a long, comforting hug, the two refused._

_It felt like forever since they'd seen Garnet. She just looked down, picked up Connie, and took her upstairs. She sat the girl on Steven's bed. "Change. Wash. If I know you and I know Steven, you're gonna be here for a while." The girl looked up at the Gem, tears streaming down both sides of her face. She was surprised to find Garnet had the same. "Y-you aren't as calm as you say you a-are."  
"I'm freaking out as much as you...but Pearl thought he couldn't fuse, and he did, so I have no doubt he can reform as well."_

* * *

Connie had gotten washed and Pearl gave her some clothes. It was a baby pink dress with a wraparound fabric at the front, and a star button holding it together. She also got tights, and did question why Pearl even had these. The pale Gem blushed slightly and then sighed. "I, um, I made it. After I taught you to swordfight. I never gave you it, but I just thought...You'd like to be part of the...the team, I suppose, I don't know. It was kind of silly."  
"N-no...no, thank you, I love it."

Pearl was the one who called her parents. Garnet checked on the girl and they talked, but Pearl was the one who'd been bringing in food (and taking the soiled food out later) and drinks of water, and tried to make her leave, or at least sleep.

The girl did sleep eventually, about 4 days after Steven...well, you know. She woke up every couple of hours when she did sleep, because the image of Steven, bloody and dying, plagued her mind every time she closed her eyes. Usually she had to have a shower after the nightmares, because she swore she could feel all of the blood still on her, sticking to her clothes and skin. She couldn't, of course, but nightmares do things to you.

The teen was snapped out of her flashback-like thoughts by her mother dragging her to her feet by her arm. "Connie! This is ridiculou-!"  
"GET OFF OF ME!" It was a scream that made Pearl come running up the stairs straight away. Connie ripped her arm from her Mother's grasp and pulled her body away from the woman."Connie Maheswaran, I am giving you one chance to behave-!"  
"Dr. Maheswaran, ma'am, I don't think you understand-!" Pearl attempted to explain as Connie threw herself down again, wiping her eyes angrily.  
"Please, explain to me what I do not understand!" The woman threw her hands up in the air, then gripped the bridge of her nose between her fingers in exasperation. "S-Steven is...I mean...I..."  
"Steven is a Crystal Gem." Connie uttered in a quiet tone. "They're from another planet. Steven's half human and he could be dead right now. We have to wait to see if he will reform or not. If he doesn't, I'll come home, and I'll imagine shortly later I will attend his funeral."

"Connie, stop being cryptic."  
"I'M NOT BEING CRYPTIC! THEY'RE MAGIC! PEARL, SHOW HER!" Pearl stood, mouth slightly agape.  
"Uh, well, I, um..."  
"Please!" Connie made eye contact with the pale Gem, and Pearl sighed, then brought out her weapon.

"W-what the...?!" The woman stood in astonishment, and Pearl retracted her weapon again. "S-Steven, he can do that too?!"  
"Yes. Kind of...I suppose. His weapon is a shield, though." The tall Gem responded, looking out of her depth with the questions. Connie's Mother shook her head, regaining her composure. "S-so...so...he's...where?"  
"Inside his Gem, hopefully." Connie mumbled, running a hand through the top of her hair. She really didn't want to deal with her mother in a situation like this, but she knew she had to. "H-How is that even possible?!"  
"I don't know, ask me another." Connie spat sarcastically.  
"Young lady, don't think this excuses your behaviour." The woman replied sternly. She turned back to Pearl.

"So you're all...Gems?"  
"Yes." Pearl answered, still surprised about Connie's behaviour.  
"And this happens?"  
"To us? Yes. Steven's partially human. The situation is different. We don't know as much as Connie does whether or not he'll come back." The Gem's voice shook slightly as she revealed the last part. Shockingly, Dr. Maheswaran was taking this rather well, or at least more than the other humans told had. She just nodded, and then took in a very deep breath, then let it out as a sigh. "Is my family in danger because of being in contact with you? Is my daughter in danger here?"  
Connie sent a sudden pleading look to Pearl, and the Gem's eyes widened. She looked between the plea of Connie and the stressed, confused stare of her mother, then closed her eyes, sighing. "Well?"  
"Yes. Yes, she is."  
"You've allowed her and Steven to be in such danger?" The woman demanded, suddenly aggressive. Pearl wrapped her arms around her stomach and sighed, tears gathering in her eyes, but refusing to fall. "Steven...His existence is one of danger because of who he is. Because of who his mother was and who WE are." She used one of her hands to gently wipe her eyes. "As for Connie...She makes her own calls. I admit I've taught her techniques to defend herself. That was because she was so strong-willed that even when Steven tried to put her off, she refused to leave. I let him talk to her, of course, it's cruel to alienate him. I imagine she's as strong-willed and independent as you are."

"So you...you tried to stop it? He did?"  
"Yes, but we couldn't. She put herself in danger." Connie sighed and turned her head downwards, a tear slipping onto the floor.  
"Goodbye, Steven." The girl whispered, looking at the rose-colored Gem wrapped in blankets at the bottom of the bed.

"...I see. And she's here to wait to know if he's alive...I...Okay."  
"What?"  
"Okay. Fine. But when...when he's back, you call me. And...Eat, sleep, wash. I'll talk to your father. And you," The woman turned to Pearl, who looked up at her. "You three take care of my baby, okay?" Her voice was soft and sad. Pearl nodded immediately, and vigorously.  
"Of course. She's like one of our own."

Dr Maheswaran turned back to her daughter and knelt down, lifting her chin to make eye contact. "Connie, listen to me. I respect your decision, but you keep yourself safe and healthy, young lady. You're lucky you're in the school holidays. You can wait, but don't...don't be rash. Don't be reckless. I didn't raise you like that. Call me every day from now on and tell me how you're doing. Are we clear?"  
"Yes, Mother." Connie responded blankly. Then, her face broke out into a smile and she flung her arms around her Mom. "Thank you." She whispered. She then let go, and the woman stood. She smiled back and nodded. "You're definitely my daughter."

With that, the Maheswaran family left, exempt from Connie.

Keeping her promises proved hard, and it proved harder to have hope. Steven was taking longer than even Pearl took, and according to the pale Gem, also longer than Rose did when she had needed to reform in the past, despite how little that was. Worry was taking over, stresses were high.

And would Steven even come back?

* * *

**AN: Phew! I know it's kind of short...But at least it happened! I'm working on my other stuff, then the next chapter will be up, but over this weekend I am out of action, so stuff happens again on Monday hopefully. I am quite literally slaving away for you guys.  
By the way, for everyone who doesn't know, every couple of weeks my profile has updates on the progress of the next chapters of all of my fics, so if you want to know how it's going, feel free to check that out. Thanks for reading! Review if you liked!  
~AP**


	9. I Won't

**AN: HELLO THERE! GUESS WHO'S BACK! It me. Don't expect amazing update times, but I'll be trying my best to get this account back up and running! Sorry for the wait, though! Thanks for all those of you who've stuck with me even though I've lacked updates for such a long while, so sorry! Anyway, enjoy!  
**~**AP**

"Connie, I...I honestly think it's time we give up." Sapphire's gentle voice floated through the air, sad but calm. It had been over a month now, with no sign of regeneration leaving no sign of hope. Connie shuffled slightly, hiding her face and body away from the blue Gem. "Why are you split up?"  
"Ruby needed some alone time. We don't just split up because we argue, you know. We just usually do it in private."  
"...You're wrong." Connie murmured, showing no emotion through her voice.

"What?"  
"You've been wrong before, Sapphire."  
"Connie, I don't _want _to tell you that he's gone, because I don't want him to be, quite obviously." Sapphire took a breath, and then walked towards the young girl, reaching her hand out towards her. "Come on, child. Steven's father can drive you home."  
"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" The emotions slipped through, Connie's voice cracking as she let her head drop into her hands, quite obviously because she was crying. Sapphire dropped her arm and nodded. "I expected you to react like that."  
"Shut up. His Gem isn't damaged, he should come back, he NEEDS TO COME BACK!" Connie stood, turning to the other, hands clenched at both sides of her, and tears falling over the familiar tracks down her face. The last bit came out as more of a wail than a yell, but the girl couldn't bring herself to care. "He can't just leave-..."  
"People have left us, Connie. It happens. I'm sorry. Steven had to leave eventually." Despite the ice forming on the floor as her emotions took control, Sapphire managed to keep her voice calm.

"NOT WITH ME!" The girl shouted. "HE CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME! HE CAN LEAVE WHOEVER COMES AFTER, WHEN I'M GONE, OKAY?! JUST NOT ME! He can't just leave me here, alone, not now! HE CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME TO DIE ALONE!" Visible tears streamed down Sapphire's face, and the Gem let out sobs, then collapsed on the floor. "I'm so sorry. I should've stopped this, I'm so sorry."

Suddenly a gentle pink glow lit up the room, and Connie turned. The Rose Quartz Gem rose into the air, a blinding pink glow consuming the room. "GUYS, SOMETHING'S HAPPENING!" Connie screamed, not keeping her eyes off of the Gem. The others were quick, and they all watched in awe as the Gem formed Steven. Though, instead of the graceful or fun way the other Gems reformed, with control, after the light dimmed, Steven simply fell to the floor.

The boy looked dazed at first, and the four were wondering whether he was truly alive when his hoarse voice rose. "Ow."

The others had no words. They were shocked speechless, staring at Steven as he sat up. "Oh. I'm alive. Right." He tried to stand up, but his knees instantly buckled, and he fell right back onto his bottom. "OUCH!" He pouted. "Why is walking hard?"

"S-Steven?" It seemed he didn't here Connie's terrified, cautious stutter, just looking over his outfit, which wasn't of anybody else's concern right now.  
"Oh bejeesus, is that gonna scar? I hoped they'd go. Darn it! The outfit is cute, though!" As if his attitude wasn't strange enough considering the situation, the boy seemed completely consumed in his own little world, not acknowledging anything remotely important.

After a couple minutes of him muttering and mumbling useless things to himself, Connie lost her patience. "STEVEN!" She shouted. The half-human jumped, turning to her and looking momentarily completely terrified. "C-Connie!" He whispered, the look still on his face, and the fear prominent in his voice. She sighed, and nodded, almost done with how he was acting even though she'd only seen him for five minutes.

"Connie...I'm-!"  
"Don't even bother, Steven." Connie interrupted, her voice hoarse and tired. Steven took in how she looked; Her hair was matted, as if it hadn't been washed, rinsed, or even brushed for months. There were noticeable bags under her eyes, which were obviously sore from crying. Her knees were seemingly seconds from buckling with exhaustion, and she was partially thinner, part of her lip slightly red from supposedly gnawing on it in worry. Steven's eyes widened; Surely this wasn't all over him? Surely...He convinced himself he didn't mean that much to the girl, but how she looked now seemed to prove every point otherwise. This was just because he...could've been dead? She cared that much about...?

He didn't speak, instead moving his eyes from her own worn-out brown ones, to the very interesting floorboards beneath his still-sandalled feet. There were no words he could utter to make up for this and he knew it. Just from the way they looked at him, from the way the others were all silent. There was no way to make it better and he didn't plan on trying to unless they asked him to. He caused this much pain just because he was too...

_WEAK!_

_"_NO!" Steven called out forlornly, covering his ears. He'd hope the dumb voice and the stupid flashbacks would've stopped, that this would solve something. Quite obviously, he now noticed it hadn't helped him at all. All it had done is amplify the pain HE was causing his friends and his family. It was all his fault that Connie was like this.

_You should have smashed your own Gem when you had the chance!_

"Steven, what's wrong?!" Connie's gentle voice cut through the self-despising thoughts as she touched his face. The boy looked up, all insults being drowned out by the blush suddenly splashed across his face because of the simplest of touches. His arms dropped to his side as he met her eyes reluctantly, only to find a completely different story being told by the whirlpools of chocolate. It was concern, concern with so much care, and so much loving that his blush only grew, and Pearl was the first to even make a noise of the Gems, which was a quiet giggle as she shooed the others out of the room, explaining in a hushed whisper.

"U-um, it's kind of d-dumb, u-um, C-Connie..."  
"Yes?" She didn't even seem to notice her positioning, one of her hands slipping down to lace itself through his. She absentmindedly rubbed the back of his thumb with hers, and despite how small it was, the boy found it oddly more comforting than anything more physical. Steven shot a glance down to their entangled fingers, before looking up with possibly the cutest blush this world has ever witnessed. She gasped, suddenly understanding. "O-oh, um, I'm sorry, do you want me to sto-?"  
"No." He cut her off mid-sentence, still looking in awe at her face, and then when she met his eyes, turned away shyly.

Suddenly, she pulled him into an extraordinarily tight hug, that explained more about how she felt than any words or sentences could. "Don't EVER do that again, you idiot." She whispered, her voice cracking slightly half-way through. He let his hands land on her hips in a return embrace. "I-I won't, I promise."

She pulled back, slipping her hands down to his shoulders and looking him directly in the eyes. "I mean it, Steven. If you EVER even feel like pinching yourself again, call me over, we can talk, we can walk, we can do ANYTHING so long as I never have to see you like that again, because you have no idea how much it hurt." He bit his lip, averting his eyes again for a millisecond. "Um, okay. What if it's like 2AM?"  
"I don't care, you can wake me."  
"Really, Connie?"  
"Really." She replied with complete sincerity, and it showed. He nodded.

"Okay...I really won't do it again."  
"You promise?" The momentary uncertainty left Steven slightly taken aback, but he regained his composure quickly.  
"Yeah, I promise."

**AN: IT SHOULD BE LONGER BUT BEAR WITH ME! Got a little Connie/Steven fluff going on here. Anywaaaaaaaaaaays, STEVEN'S BACK OH DAMN! YAY! Mainly because I'm too invested in this dumb fanfic to leave. Hope you enjoyed! Review!  
**~**AP**


	10. It's Okay

**AN: A whole year gone and they come back with SU...Hey there. Guess who's continuing this. Honestly, this is the last chapter. I wanna complete it so I can finally put "COMPLETED" on something other than a one shot haha. You guys are aware of the trigger warnings, so let's just get straight onto it! Enjoy!  
-AP**

* * *

Steven woke with a start.

It had been a couple days since he reformed. That, in itself, had been a strange experience. He did feel better, though, somehow. Connie was sleeping on the couch downstairs. She called her Mom to tell her he was okay, but said she needed to stay a couple days. That made sense; He'd really scared her. The Half-Gem honestly felt really guilty; He didn't realise how much...that...would hurt her. He didn't think she'd care that much.

But she did. She definitely did.

That didn't make his problems just go away, though.

He thought it was a nightmare that woke him up at first, but realised he was pretty calm, so it couldn't have been that. Steven didn't really want to sit up unless it was necessary (reforming takes a surprising amount of energy) so he pondered why he'd awoken in the first place whilst staring at his roof. After about ten minutes, he assumed something fell over downstairs or whatever, and was going to go back to sleep until he heard the unmistakable sound of the front door opening and then closing quietly.

He held his breath as he creeped out of bed, looking over the side of the stairs. He expected the intruder not to notice him, but to his horror, they were staring directly at him. Or, she was. She had an almost insane smile, creepily happy about seeing him. He gasped and stumbled, falling backwards onto his butt and rubbing his eyes as she approached, hoping to God this was some kind of lack-of-sleep fuelled hallucination, but...

No, it was real.

Alex.

When she started up the stairs, he tried to scream. He swore he tried to scream, but no sound came out as he scratched desperately at the wooden flooring, hoping it would open up and swallow him so he didn't have to face his ex girlfriend. In a panic, knowing he couldn't do anything else, he let out a shout of the only name he possibly thought could hear him. "C-CONNIE!" He shouted louder than he thought he could, and his friend was there in a second.

She stood in front of him, his mother's sword drawn, holding it out. Stance wide, body lowered. Ready to fight. Her face was dark and her eyes were threatening as she glared at the astonished girl in front of her. Alex let out a mocking laugh. "You wouldn't hurt m-!" Connie made a quick and skilled slash across the girl's stomach, cutting through her shirt. It was a long cut, but it wasn't deep; barely a scratch. A warning wound. Alex's eyes filled with tears and she clapped her hand to the now bleeding area with a loud, shocked gasp. "Y-you...I-I..."

The human looked at her with murder in her eyes, and a blank but serious expression. "Get. Out." She said simply, not taking her eyes off the other for even a second. Alex looked around desperately, before meeting eyes with the terrified boy cowering behind the other girl. "Steven, come on, baby, I just wanna talk!" She begged quietly, looking upset. Steven felt a pang of guilt in his stomach, but he knew it was all a lie. He turned away, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, and shook his head. "N-no, Alex." He said it timidly, but she heard.

She looked heartbroken.

"LEAVE!" Connie yelled again, still not dropping the sword, which was now pointing directly at the other child's chest, on her heart. Once again, Alex turned to Steven with a pleading look that looked nothing but sincere. God, why did she have to be so good at this? "Steven, please!" She said again, hands clasping together as she looked at him. He just let out a choked sniffle, hiding his face in his sleeve. Connie let out an animalistic sound. "He said no. GET OUT! I SAID GO!"

With that, Alex turned, hands around her bleeding stomach, and ran out of the house, never to be seen again.

* * *

Alex was somebody who made Steven, when he was ready to face it, ask a lot of questions about the Crystal Gems and their actions during the war. They explained as much as they thought he was ready to hear, promising that one day they'd tell him the entire story.

He questioned himself a lot, still, for years after. It left him unsure, but his friends helped him through. He even made some new ones along the way.

Connie was always by his side nowadays. When they fought, they usually fought together or as Stevonnie. Although, the first fusion after Alex was a little...complicated, but Garnet was sure to help them get control of their feelings properly when fused. Connie was like a bodyguard now, protective and possessive. She'd send a death glare if anybody even looked at Steven the wrong way.

It was an overreaction, but he appreciated it nonetheless.

And now here he was, looking over the ocean from the beach, with Connie falling asleep on his shoulder after a long day of training with Pearl, with a genuine smile that had been gone so long it felt a good kind of weird on his face. He'd never forget Alex; He sometimes still wondered where she'd gone, where she was now, and how she was now.

But things can get better.

At least, that's what he told himself.

Maybe things can work out okay in the end. And hey, if not? He was sure that the Crystal Gems, Beach City, and especially Connie, would be by his side either way.

* * *

**AN: I know it's kinda short, and I might actually end up writing an epilogue, but there you go! I actually, despite being on hiatus, missed writing this fanfiction a lot. I've been REALLY busy. I hope this is a good end to it, despite it taking so long. **

**So for a last time on this, I tell you, feel free to review if you enjoyed, and thank you, friends, for reading.**

**-AP**


	11. Author's Note

**AN:**

**Hey there!**

**You've officially reached the end of Life Lessons. I bet you have a lot of questions: How is Lapis related? Who was Alex's mother really? What was her relationship to the original Crystal Gems? Why did Alex leave Steven and the Gems back at the Temple? Why wouldn't she just trap them all? What did Steven see whilst he was inside his Gem?**

**All very fair questions. **

**But AwesomePotterlover, I hear you shout, you have answered NONE of these questions! Zilch! Zero! You are correct there. I have not.**

**Why have I not?**

**...**

**Drumroll, PLEASE!**

***DUMDUMDUNDUMNDUMDUND DUMD NDUMDUUUUUUUM***

**I'm making a SEQUEL! OOH WHAAAAAAAAT!**

**YEAH!  
A SEQUEL!**

**It's gonna be called Painful Remedies. It's mainly gonna be about Steven's recovery, but...Other things will be involved. All will be revealed!**

**I plan to write it in full and then post it, so I'm gonna estimate it'll be live by mid-November.**

**Short Hiatus for Spooky Season.**

**So I'll see you guys soon!**

**-AP**


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